"Connect yourself to others who will mirror for you the ways in which you are stuck."

Thinking it would be nice to try turning drawing into a meditative practice of sorts? One of the reasons I came to dread the activity a little is how I associated my self-worth and identity to my art skills and shortcomings since childhood. If I can relax by churning out a little picture out of my mind while listening to a podcast, it would be quite enjoyable I think...


Finally gave an overhaul to the site's main layout! I have been fiddling with it for two whole days, and am feeling kinda proud of the result, I think I managed to capture a good balance between a FC2 inspired look which I was going for and silly geocities nostalgia...
I also found a smart way to build the gallery page in a way that hides my old shameful art to my own eyes, and am not gonna complain about that :^)


Realizing that 1. I often get caught up in hesitations around how I should present the content of what's in my head, what to expose from it and the form it should take, and 2. that it isn't necessarily a superficial pursuit, but a much wider and stimulating question, for after all, the format is intrinsically linked to the content it presents, or more precisely, there probably isn't much of a divide between the two.


Listening to a psychiatrist's interview, he stated that on average, a person in a state of rage identifies so much with what they're feeling that they wouldn't get the thought of "wanting to write a symphony about rage" right in the middle of their fit. Would you? I feel like I have had similar ideas rather often, though! Wonder what this says about me...


To me, Song of Saya is an ode to the fluidity and responsiveness of life and reality.
I bet Heraclites would have enjoyed it! As for me, it's the kind of rather short story that will stay with me for a long time.


Last night, I dreamt I went to some outing with friends and friends-of-friends, some of which I have complicated feelings towards, but in the dream, we talked a lot and had fun, and I suppose that's the way a part of myself is trying to sort things out and make me see things in a softer, more indulgent way towards people who are different from me...
Lately, I've been trying to reflect a lot on myself, my thought patterns and logic, and it obviously led to attempting to "better myself", and while I'm convinced working on your mental health and inner equilibrium is always a wise pursuit to engage in, it's a step taken not only for yourself, but for improving your environment and the lives of people around you! But it has also been feeling a bit punishing - even though it's my choice to function this way! -, attempting to constantly be irreprochable, and felt kinda like a full-time job... Ultimately, I'm afraid I'm always going to have blindspots, but this awareness is a little too permanently concerning to me. So... I am reflecting upon the fact that I may be reflecting too much? Yep.